Beyond the emotional dependencies
of
security and happiness via others
If there has been one thing which I did to my self, it was
conflating emotional security and happiness via others
as the ‘road to being free’ if not freedom, itself. Probably
from the needy infantile and toddler status with my
parents [now deceased 39 -mother and 48-father years,
making me wonder if those circumstances were
ENTIRELY due to the cultural and social factors or was
it a foreknown design for my experience and
edification-going forward] , where the graces of their
acceptance was crucial. Just carried over to others who
acted along similar reciprocating terms as my parent. Did
I ever guess or imagine that my parents would ‘play me’
for the entitlement of their self-serving parental control?
No.. I was clueless until early adolescence when I started
to explore my own independence and they (my parents)
found ways to reel me back under their control.
conflating emotional security and happiness via others
as the ‘road to being free’ if not freedom, itself. Probably
from the needy infantile and toddler status with my
parents [now deceased 39 -mother and 48-father years,
making me wonder if those circumstances were
ENTIRELY due to the cultural and social factors or was
it a foreknown design for my experience and
edification-going forward] , where the graces of their
acceptance was crucial. Just carried over to others who
acted along similar reciprocating terms as my parent. Did
I ever guess or imagine that my parents would ‘play me’
for the entitlement of their self-serving parental control?
No.. I was clueless until early adolescence when I started
to explore my own independence and they (my parents)
found ways to reel me back under their control.
My responses to my parents began to extrapolate out
and imprinted themselves in my responses to others-
authority figures and social associates, aka ‘friends’.
Due to my own subservience to my parents’ ‘guiding’
controls, I never had developed a fierce commitment
or devotion to anything for which I’d be willing
“to sacrifice all others” for that ‘thang’. In so doing, I
had put a conceptual block on who I could be and
what I could do.
and imprinted themselves in my responses to others-
authority figures and social associates, aka ‘friends’.
Due to my own subservience to my parents’ ‘guiding’
controls, I never had developed a fierce commitment
or devotion to anything for which I’d be willing
“to sacrifice all others” for that ‘thang’. In so doing, I
had put a conceptual block on who I could be and
what I could do.
Being emotionally secure and ‘happy’ were conflated
with the atmospherics and aesthetics of being and
living free...Only until I got into my 3rd marriage did I
see the flawed nature of that pursuit. Not so much
because of any shortcomings of the wives or other
persons’ characters, but the improbable to impossible
expectation I was placing on them that they could be a
reliably consistent, let alone ‘24/7’ source, of validation
and affirmation for me.
I had forsaken the autonomy of my own resilient creativeness
and its potentials for being within the circle of acceptance
and affection of others. I have learned from that error that the
main craft to which one should be seeking is the nurturing and
honing of my own qualities and their talents. In doing that, I will
find my niche and any incidental symbiotic or synergistic
associations that would supplement and compliment my own
sense of contentment and satisfaction with my more
conscientious efforts of doing what I could do in being my 'self'
ala what was written in the 47th verse of the 18th chapter of
the Bhagavad Gita:.
,
thus achieve that spiritual freedom of ‘comfort’ and ‘happiness’.
https://bit.ly/2H9W0aN
with the atmospherics and aesthetics of being and
living free...Only until I got into my 3rd marriage did I
see the flawed nature of that pursuit. Not so much
because of any shortcomings of the wives or other
persons’ characters, but the improbable to impossible
expectation I was placing on them that they could be a
reliably consistent, let alone ‘24/7’ source, of validation
and affirmation for me.
I had forsaken the autonomy of my own resilient creativeness
and its potentials for being within the circle of acceptance
and affection of others. I have learned from that error that the
main craft to which one should be seeking is the nurturing and
honing of my own qualities and their talents. In doing that, I will
find my niche and any incidental symbiotic or synergistic
associations that would supplement and compliment my own
sense of contentment and satisfaction with my more
conscientious efforts of doing what I could do in being my 'self'
ala what was written in the 47th verse of the 18th chapter of
the Bhagavad Gita:.
, thus achieve that spiritual freedom of ‘comfort’ and ‘happiness’.
=============================
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in humiliation and shame.